Away
by dreams and desperation
Summary: Just one wrong move and life changed forevermore... Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games


He's taken everything from her. Her dignity, her childhood, even her virginity. The games have ruined her, just like they ruined me. Except, she has nobody to comfort her, as I had Mags to comfort me. People knew what I was going through. She has nobody to tell her that it is all going to be all right in the end. She's going to feel alone.

I'm sure she already does.

Back in my own games, it never occurred to me that such a fate could happen to me afterwards. I was young, just fourteen. I was a child, and still quite a young one at that - not ready or willing to be a sex slave, but so trapped that it was the only way forward that I could see. I wish I could have refused, that I had have had the courage to say no.

With the lives of the ones that you love in the balance, on the line, you do as you are told. Five deaths to my name was enough, I didn't need my family on that list also. So I did, and have since done, everything in my power to keep them all safe.

I fear she may not be wise enough to make that choice for herself. After all, without Mags's guidance, would have made the same decision, or would I be in a completely different position right now?

* * *

I decide to see her one night, during her first stay in the Capitol since she became a Victor. I'm tentative when I enter the apartment, scared that maybe she's not alone, that maybe she's had a client sent to her instead of her going to him. It does happen sometimes.

Thankfully, she is alone, though clearly she hasn't been for long, since she's tucked herself into a corner, crying her eyes out.

I walk to her slowly, and crouch down beside her, taking a moment to tuck her hair behind her ear, so it's out of her face.

"Johanna?" It's barely above a whisper, but she shivers. _Yes, she's definitely seen a client recently, poor girl._

She lifts her head to look me in the eyes, but she turns away almost immediately, as though she's ashamed.

"Johanna, are you okay?" I ask, and I immediately regret it. She's clearly not okay, she's the opposite of fine, and yet I gave the impression that she should be. By no means should she be okay, it's a sick thing to do to somebody. _She's seventeen, she's still far too young for this._

I sit down just a foot away from her - close enough that she's not alone, but far enough that she doesn't feel uncomfortable - and I sigh, watching the tears trickle down her face.

She lets one of her hands drop to her side and I cup it between my own hands. She smiles slightly, but it's a sad smile.

"I killed all of those children, all of them so innocent, for _this_? Is it even worth living, if we're living like this?" Her voice is filled with a sort of rage I wasn't expecting, and yet her eyes are full of fear. She's looking at me like I can take back all they've done to her, like I'm some magic genie or something, and it breaks my heart to not be able to undo any of the damage that's there now forever.

I can't think of what to say, instead I get up from beside her, and make drinks - hot chocolate, she needs something comforting. Once it's made, I turn to take it to her, but she has vanished.

"Johanna?" I put the mugs of frothy liquid down, and go to look for her. It isn't hard, she's just curled herself up in a ball on her bed. "Oh, gosh, you're really not coping." I breathe. "Look, we'll get you back in the other room, I've made you hot chocolate, and we can talk. Or not talk - you might not want to talk, I guess. That's fine too, but you can't lock yourself away forever. You're the sole surviver of your arena, don't you think it's only fair on those who died that you make the most of your life?" It's another shallow comment that I know I shouldn't have said, but she barely pays any attention to it anyway. She just gives a slight nod, grabs my hand like a toddler would, and walks with me into the other room. I make her sit on the sofa as I retrieve the hot drinks.

She reaches out with both hands and I give her the mug, which she proceeds to eagerly sip from. It's a rare solace in her world that's being ripped apart, and it doesn't take long for her to drink it all. I've only taken two sips from my own mug, but I can see she needs it more than I do, and she takes it from me without a moment's hesitation when I offer her it.

"Thanks, Finnick," she finally says, when she's finished the second mug full of comfort in chocolate form.

"How many clients did you have?" I mutter myself, though Johanna overhears and answers the question.

"Three tonight." She turns to face away from me in utter embarassment - embarassment she shouldn't be made to feel.

"That's horrible."

"I feel horrible."

"Don't. It's not your fault - none of it is, Johanna. You never asked for thi-"

"I let myself win, I _murdered_ to be able to be free. But I'm not free, am I? I'm a slave - a slave of Snow, and he's never going to let me go, is he?"

"Sadly enough, I don't think he will." At this she bursts into tears again. The one thing worse than being sold is knowing that you're going to continue to be sold for ever more. The only think I can think to do is wrap her up in an embrace, so I do. She hugs me back, terrified for her future. She's even more confused than I was at her age. I was already used to this by then, but it's still new for her.

I stand up and, trembling, she does the same. "I want to be alone now." She looks down at herself and grimaces, saying, "I need to shower."

I'm sure that she's already scrubbed herself until she was red, that she's paranoid because of how her day has gone, that maybe she's scared that there's a trace of someone who she never wanted, that it's still there, on her skin. I don't say that though, I was exactly the same.

* * *

I come back again to see how she is one day later, but she's curled in the corner once more, having been sold again. I sit down next to her.

"Hey, hey, it's all right, Johanna. Nobody can get to you now. You're safe for now. Don't panic. You're safe..." I say, uncertain myself about how true these words are.

She seems to believe me - she's wrapping her arms around my shoulders. It hurts that she is holding me so tightly, but I don't say, because the last thing that I would want to do would be to make her feel even worse about herself.

I go over to her, hold her hand, and sit her on the sofa, and I sit down beside her. "Johanna?"

"What?" she says through her sobs and sniffles.

"Nothing, it's just- what did we ever do to deserve this? We've victors, that title should grant us our freedom. And yet it does the opposite - it keeps us trapped."

She doesn't speak for a while, just sobbing into her hands, and when she does, all she says is, "Why am I still here?"

"I don't know." I wish I wasn't here either.

I can't deal with this - any of it - any longer, so I just quietly slip out of the apartment.

* * *

I go to check up on her again, but this time I can't face her, and how much she's going to be crying. When she is home, she'll be alone, so maybe it's best that she's sometimes alone in the Capitol...

I walk away from her apartment, and go back to my own, and sleep. I'm beginning to think that maybe I shouldn't have left her alone after all. I mean, she has her family back home, she won't usually be the only one there. _Why do I never manage to make wise decisions at the time I'm making them?_

* * *

I decide to not leave her to suffer alone again. I go to her apartment the following day, and the second I enter I just stand there in shock. My jaw drops and I don't know what to say.

Johanna crawls out from behind the sofa, tears running down her face. "Finnick?"

I go to say something but I can't get any words to come out at first. Eventually, though, I manage to find something to say.

"Johanna, get out of here."

"What?"

"Johanna, you just murdered your client, you're in danger."

"He- he's dead?" Her eyes go wide with terror.

"Well, when a man is lying in a puddle of that much of his own blood, and there's a kitchen knife firmly lodged in his back, that usually is a good indication that he's no longer living," I say. "Yes, Johanna, he's quite clearly dead, and if you're not careful then you're going to end up dead too. So do what I say and leave!"

"W- what about th- the body?" Her voice is shaking and she's curled up into a ball.

 _Good question - what to do with it?_

"I'll sort it, just leave"

"What? You're g- going to dispose it"

"Something like that, I suppose."

"But then you'll be in trouble too! I don't want you to suffer for what I've done..."

"Johanna, you're seventeen. You're naïve. Just go. Please." She gets up and stands straight, a definat look on her face.

"No."

"Joh-"

"Look, this is my mess, let me sort it."

"Don't be daft. You're an emotional wreck right now, you won't cope."

"You help me then. But I'm not leaving you alone to deal with my shit. I'm the one in this mess, it's my fault he's gone, even if he was a perverted arsehole who thoroughly deserved to die."

I sigh. It's not worth arguing with a determined victor. "Fine." She relaxes a bit, and just stares at the corpse she has created.

"What do we do now, Finnick?"

"First... we get him out of here unseen..."

"How do we do that? There's a camera in the elevator." She has a point.

We're silent for a minute, just standing there, because she's right. We can't get rid of the body. She'll have to face Snow's wrath.

She knows this too, since she then runs over and wraps her arms around me, crying on my shoulder.

"Hey, hey, we'll find some way to explain this. There's got to be a way to right this..." I trail off, knowing that once again there's no way to make this any easier for her. She killed her client, Snow will discover, and who knows how he'll punish her.

I tuck her hair behind her ear, and kiss her forehead, like how my mother used to kiss me on my forehead when I was little, and I was crying.

"Will he kill me?"

"I don't know, Johanna."

"Will it hurt?"

"I don't know. Probably."

"It can't me much worse than it is already." She looks up at me. "After all, I'm hurting so much inside these days, I doubt I'd notice a litlle more pain."

"Don't say that."

"But it's true!" She's choking on her words, and I wish I could help her out, to make it all better, but I can't. Right now, I'm feeling helpless too.

"Come with me, Johanna. You can't stay here." I grab her hand and drag her out of the apartment.

"Where to?"

"My apartment. I'm not allowing you to sleep so close to him." She nods.

Once we reach my apartment, the first thing she does is get a shower. She's got blood on her hands and she wants rid of it. It'll always remain though, and this one will be even worse for her - it's a post arena kill, she'll struggle to ever forgive herself.

I find her a long shirt and put it on my bed for her, before going into the living area and taking off my own shirt. It has blood on it from her hands when she hugged me. I shudder at the thought that his blood was against my back, and throw the shirt away before lying on the sofa with a blanket and trying to get to sleep.

* * *

I wake to a tap on my shoulder. "Finnick?"

She's standing there, looking terrified. It's obvious she rolled up the shirt's sleeves, but one's come undone, and all of the buttons are in the wrong holes. I see the clock on the counter. 2am.

"You 'kay?" I mumble, trying hard to not fall back asleep.

"I can't sleep. It's like he's haunting me..." A lone tear trickles down her cheek. I sit up and she sits next to me.

"It's just your imagination, okay?" She nods sadly. "Johanna, you need to get some rest."

"But I can't. He's there watching over me, like he's waiting for me to drift away into my dreams before he attacks." I sigh. That's my sleep for the night over, I guess.

"You stay here, get some sleep, and I'll make sure nobody comes to hurt you, okay?"

"Yeah. I guess." She hugs me and her hands are cold against my bare back, but I go and sit in the armchair so she can lie down. "Goodnight, Fin." _Fin._ I haven't been called that in years.

"Goodnight, Johanna," I say, but she can't hear me now.

* * *

After a few hours of just sitting there, I realise that she can't just wear my shirt, she'll need clothes her size come morning. So I do the only logical thing and knock on the door of someone I can trust.

"Finnick, what time do you call this?"

"I call it 5:30am, you?" She looks in disapproval.

"Haha. Why are you here?"

"Can I come in?"

"Fine." We walk into her apartment and immediately she quizzes me. "What's this about?"

"Johanna." She frowns.

"What has she got to do with me? She's District 7, none of my business."

"Please?"

"Look, I don't see why you're here, I don't think I've ever even spoken to her, for goodness sake!"

"You said, when Mags stopped coming to the Capitol with me, that you'd try to h-"

"I told you that'd I would try to help you out. Finnick, you're a Career victor. Careers stick together, but we can't be helping every single other victor, surely you know that's not possible..."

"Well, I got myself involved in this mess. So now I need help. So there. Now it's your issue." She bites her lip, and then she sighs.

"What's happened?"

"Johannastabbedaclientandhe'sdeadonherapartmentfloorandshe'sasleeponmysofanowandIneedyouradvice!" I blurt out.

"What even... talk slower, I didn't get any of that."

"Johanna stabbed a client, and he's dead on her apartment floor, and she's asleep on my sofa now, and I need your advice. Oh, and clothes. I need clothes, mine aren't her size, obviously." Her eyes widen and she just stares at me.

"She killed one of her clients?"

"Yes."

"Wow, that girl has some guts..." she says to herself.

"Beside the point, Cashmere..." I point out.

"Right. Sorry. Um... Look, she's going to get in heaps of trouble, and so are you, but I have family back home who I care about the safety of, I can't risk their safety..." She has a point. _What if they kill Johanna's family, or mine?_

"Look, I get your point, but are you sure you couldn't lend me some clothes _for a purpose unknown to you_?"

Realisation creeps into her eyes as a wicked grin spreads across her face. "Let me get you a few dresses..."

* * *

When I return, Johanna's already awake. She glares at me.

"You said you'd protect me."

"And I did. But I figured you would need something to wear..." I say, placing the pile on her lap. "There are dresses, blouses, skirts, and underwear."

"Where did you get them?"

"Cashmere."

" _Cashmere?_ " she spits.

"Yes."

"Her tribute tried to kill me."

"You were in the Hunger Games!"

"And your point is?"

"The whole thing is a ceremony of murder!"

She ignores me, and goes into the bedroom to get changed. I grab an apple and eat it - I don't want to use a knife, not today. When she comes back, I take the chance to shower and put on a clean outfit.

I return to the room I left her in and I'm shocked to see two peacekeepers dragging her out of the apartment, accompanied by one of Snow's closest companions. I run to the door. "Wait!"

"Well, well! Mr Odai-"

"Finnick, if you please." I smile in a most charming manner, but she ignores me.

"Miss Mason said that you were elsewhere. Evidently she must have been mistaken. Since you're here, you shall come along also. Kill two birds with one stone, you know?"

I nod, and look down at my feet. "Can I put on some shoes first?"

"Fine."

* * *

We're taken to Snow, who is already seated at his desk. "You may leave now," he tells the three who escorted us. Once they're gone, he addresses Johanna and I.

"I doubt I need to explain my reason for bringing you here..."

"No, President Snow," I reply. Johanna is silent.

"When someone just... vanishes, it arises suspicion, especially when it is someone so high profile. When Mr Anserman failed to report back last night, it was only a matter of time before you were discovered, Miss Mason. What intrigues me is your involvement, Mr Odair."

I can't let her face so much of a punishment. None of this is her fault - none of it. "Well, President Snow, Johanna here really isn't the one you should be blamin-"

"No," she says, her voice clear, and I'm not entirely sure whether she is talking to the president of our nation, or to me. Maybe it's both. "Finnick isn't guilty of anything, not really. He came to my apartment when the man you sent was already dead. All he did was let me stay at his apartment after, nothing more than that. I am the only person involved in the death, you have to understand that, President Snow."

"Is her testiment true, Mr Odiar?" Johanna looks me in the eye, and I know that she wants to take her punishment herself, so I have to let her. I nod.

"Very well. Though, as you helped her rather than reporting her, you shall still be punished."

"I understand."

"For your involvement, I am extending your stay in the Capitol by three weeks. During that time, you shall have clients, and I only want good reports, or else this may not be enough of a punishment..."

It's a warning to me, to tell me to stay in line. I can't refuse him. "You shall only have good reports, President Snow."

"I am certain I shall. Now, Miss Mason, I should have given you a similar punishment, though I feel that would pose too big a risk to too many lives." An evil glint appears in his eyes, and I become fearful for Johanna. "A life for a life they say, and I feel that that would be a punishment most fitting..." Johanna gasps and I put my hand on her shoulder to comfort her. I glance at Snow to see his reaction to her reaction, but he's not bothered by it. "The issue is, Miss Mason, that you are the most recent victor. The general public seems fond of you, and if I were to get you killed off now, well... let's say that there would be trouble inside the Capitol. So I shaln't end your life..." he states, and she sighs, "...but I am sure that we will all agree that one important person's life is equivilent to four district people's..."

He leaves the room, and both Johanna and I leave by the route we took into the building. Once outside, she stops trying to choke back her tears. "I just got innocents back in the districts killled..."

"Johanna..." I warn. I'm not sure I'm going to like where this is going.

"They probably won't even know me..."

I think back to what Cashmere said about having so much to lose, and it all fits into place inside of my head. _They're going to kill off her family._

* * *

They didn't want to allow it, but after Johanna's protests she was allowed to stay in my apartment rather than her own. This time, she stayed on the sofa from the start, and I kept watch for her, so she was out of harm's way.

She's on the platform at the station, and the peacekeepers are trying to get her to shuffle onto the train. The citizens of the Capitol don't know her crime, so there is a cheering crowd which she somehow manages to be entirely oblivious to.

When she is finally onboard she goes to the window. It takes her a while to find me but as the train leaves the station our eyes meet, and she smiles a sad smile. Only one thought replays in mind.

 _What if she never gets the chance to say goodbye, and they're already gone?_


End file.
